The home is a theatre of the Soul, it has nine scenes, and into one scene I will take you now, to the area that the I Ching calls “Chien”, which we translate as HEAVEN. It relates to the issues we have with men in our lives, to controls, limitations and boundaries, it also holds issues about perfection. It is no.6 in the Story Map.
So what is the story in this HEAVEN area of life and home? What is the secret?
This is the question I am often asked, and I reply as always: “that depends on who is asking”, for truth is not a constant, it changes with the story being told. What is truth for one may be different for another.
So in this story I am about to tell, the questioner asks; where in my house will I find the issues with my Father? I ask him to tell me more. He says: My father abandoned me as a child, and when I saw him as a youth, he never acknowledged my gifts, and when I saw him as an adult, he did not even notice I was there. We talked some more, and in his story it becomes clear, that he is looking for acknowledgement, for validation from his father, for recognition that he is good. Yet I can see from what this man has built, that he is a craftsman in timber and stone, a man with an eye for design, and all of this self taught, yet still not good enough, because his father never said so. A compulsive perfectionist, a man wrapped up in the idea of building the perfect place, and yet it will never be good enough. And so I know that in this story we are visiting the HEAVEN area of life and home; the place of perfection, and the influence that men have in the story of our lives.
He tells me of his grandfather, a mighty man, a man known down the pub as Tarzan, he sported big scars from his wounds of war, and purple indents where the bullets entered his body. He was legend amongst the male youth in my family, not so much a legend amongst the women though, he never hugged them, he never complimented them, they could not bear to be with him, he was a violent man, and yet they loved him. And who will follow in the footsteps of these men, how deeply does their story penetrate the behaviour and the actions of their offspring? And the older brother confided: I find it hard to bear the knowledge of the secrets that my brother has been guarding, the emotional heartache that has followed him through his life, and his capacity to take it, up until now. Blow after blow he has suffered through betrayal of those closest to him, betrayed by his father, his daughters and his wife. Time after time he has buried his head in his building work, building a better place, healing his life through timber and stone, shaping his body like steel – The hardest man I have ever know, the fittest man and the strongest man in my family. Hard that is until the moment that his shell cracked. And now I comfort his broken heart, I can do this because I am his brother; I feel the pain of his open wound, that cuts so deep through the hardest surface. My brother is a man in pieces; he is a building project with an open heart.
I enter the house of the broken hearted man, it is a minimal house, and so whatever is there, is quite apparent. I see in the area of LAKE (no.7), there are only pictures of his children and his wife, an area of his life where I know he wants some healing. LAKE is the area of the plan that represents: childhood, abuse, creativity, secrets and dreams. I look behind me and I see a Jesters hat, this is in the WATER area (no.1), and it does not make sense to me. So I turn to look at HEAVEN (no.6), there is very little there, the TV takes pride of place; like a dripping tap it is constant, feeding the delusions of this broken heart and mind, and he is addicted to it. In his fragile state of mind he believes that the TV and the Internet tell the truth about a world that is going to end, he digests the conspiracy theories, that the MAN is out to get us, and that he can stop the MAN – whoever the MAN is. He has the strength to fight him, he knows the truth, and only he has the power to save his family from the MAN.
So what can we do to help this man? We can work in the area of FIRE (no.9), the area that relates to love, light, truth, and recognition. We can work on the issues of a broken heart, we can help to lighten his load, and to lighten up the story he is telling, we can encourage more love to enter his life, and for him to be more loving. We can recognise the things that he has achieved and the man that he IS, placing his picture centre stage. With our help he can rearrange his scene in the area of FIRE. All this can be done and with the help of family, psychologists, and friends, I think this man will pull through, and he will build a better life.
When the time is right for him, he can work in the area THUNDER, the place of anger and forgiveness. In LAKE at this time also, he can honour his creativity, and he can work in this area to heal the wounds of the innocent child.
But what about the WATER element, what is the story there? This place in the plan holds issues about sadness, cashflow, working too hard, and acceptance. It is clear that his inability to work at this time is causing him financial problems, and he really needs to take ‘time out’ for a while - he has worked himself too hard. At the end of the day however, I am still curious about the Jesters hat, and then as if on cue the man appears, wearing the hat and playing the fool, behaving like a child and saying that the children have the answers. Sometimes perhaps through the madness of the shattered heart, truth will find a way to surface; lightening up, letting things go, finding some joy and humour in the drama of the tragedy.
When I returned home, my wife handed me a poem that she had just found - I sent it to the family. Please read the poem opposite.
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