Are you in the wrong Life Story, or is it a Fairytale Romance?
Walking a fine line between what you want and what you get -Sometimes it is good to take a look beneath the stairs.
This is the second of three blogs about the choices women make, and how the drama plays itself out in the features of their homes.
Your home is a stage that tells the story of how you are and how you might become. It is often not a fairytale romance; I once heard it said that what we can learn from fairytales is:
If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
Its cobblers shoes – Not fairytale romance
Often in our homes we may find our trail along a fairytale, because fairytales follow story lines with age-old themes, so they make our condition larger than life. To get to this client’s house I went up a hill, made my way beneath the trees, took a left turn towards the hill, and found myself in a clearing in front of a house made of stone. ‘A sanctuary!’ I thought. ‘A place where a Hermit might live, full of wisdom, but distant and alone in his story.’ As his story unfolded it was clear that this was so.
The owner was a psychologist, and like the wise old hermit in so many tales, his role was to give guidance. He helped couples with relationship problems, and paradoxically the main theme in his personal life was ‘separation’, not a fairytale romance.
My client; his new partner Jane (not her real name), stepped right into his ex-lovers shoes, but she found they did not fit the life she wanted for herself.
Fairytales and real life stories warn of bad life choices
Jane and I spoke about how she felt, and I asked her to tell me about the stairs. She thought for a moment and then her eyes lit up; the voice of the psychologists ex-lover came like an echo in her mind. She said it was not a fairytale romance:
“I felt there was a bit of me under the stairs with the dogs.”
The ex-lover had left under the cloud of these heated words. Beneath the stair there were no dogs now, but boxes filled with Jane’s new things, and on top of the boxes the psychologist had placed a doormat; something Jane was in pain to mention.
and this rang true; she had begun to feel like a doormat
Romance and lust gave way to dishes and dust
In the boxes under the stair were all her lovely shoes. So we removed the doormat and discussed the design of shelving onto which she could place her shoes. In consolation I offered the fairytale romance story of Cinderella’s Silver slipper, but in her mind was a more foreboding story of the ‘Red Shoes’; a story that warns of a woman’s loss of passionate vitality through taking on a too tame life - For Jane romance and lust gave way to dishes and dust, she had danced into this relationship and now to decided to place the doormat where it belongs and to wipe her feet on the way out.
The word ‘home’ (in Latin ‘Domus’), has the same roots as domestic, domesticate, dominate.
The last I heard the house had been sold and the psychologist had moved on, I wonder whether they have found that fairytale romance, or what life theme has now welcomed them into its story?
So here are my questions to you:
- Is the wrong life story playing out in your home?
- Does your home domesticate you?
- Are you at home in your own shoes?
For twenty years I have been revealing how our homes can hold the keys to a better life. Always there is a secret home life story, and sometimes we may find our trail in a fairytale romance.
There are many more true home life stories and help on how to work your home towards a better life – in my book The Secret of Home
Here is another true life blog I think you will enjoy. This woman could not choose between two lovers, so she kept them secret and chose them both; she lived two separate lives, but her wardrobe told the truth: Real Life Stories: Is your fantasy your reality?
Further reading to help you make choices, beyond fairytale romance:
- The Red Shoes by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
- A woman’s passion – Through her window
- The Secret of Home by Lindsay Halton